Friday Funny

The man looked a bit worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the doctor asked him what was wrong.
"Well to tell you the truth, doc," the patient answered, "I seem to be getting forgetful. No, it's actually worse than that. I'm never sure I can remember where I put my car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do when I get there-if I even get there! What can I do?"
The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."

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For those that feel slighted by my absence last week, here's an email I got yesterday about when Hallmark writers have a bad day...

My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat. Sorry.

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your spouse.

I've always wanted someone to hold, someone to love.
Now that I've met you, I've changed my mind.

Congratulations on your promotion!
Before you go...
Would you take the knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

Happy Birthday.
You look great for your age.
Almost lifelike.

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you keep your promise.

We've been friends for a long time,
Whatdya say we call it quits?

You're such a good friend,
If we were on a sinking ship with only one life jacket,
I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

And for the finale...
Happy Birthday Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Tennessee, West Virginia, and Mississippi.)

Have a great weekend everyone!