Sunday, September 23, 2012

I act like an a** sometimes, Part Two

If I was to be completely honest with myself and how I observe people taking, "Sam" I would have to split it into two categories. First the negative: annoying, selfish, loud, not as funny as he thinks he is, always takes it one step too far, uncool, sheltered, defensive, thin-skinned, shy, and maybe a bit naive. Now the positive: friendly, would do anything for anyone no matter how much it put him out, fun, loving, patient, sensitive, content, always willing to give the benefit of the doubt, and maybe more compassionate than he gives himself credit for. Whether any of those are accurate is again, all of my own impressions because that's all I have to go by. But the one thing no one ever called me before a few years ago when I started sticking up for myself, whether for good or for bad, was an ass.

One thing I'm proud of and shows through me no matter who you ask, is that I'm generally a nice guy. I think some of that comes from never saying someone else is entirely wrong and I'm entirely right. I'm not one who will ever declare that all Republican platforms are correct or all the Democrats either. I'm not one who thinks any one religion or denomination has all the answers. And I'm not one who says anyone's point of view is irrelevant. Do I not have any staunch opinions or viewpoints? Of course I do. I'm as stubborn as anyone else and my stance on those things I feel very strongly about will probably never sway. But you'll never hear me say I have it all figured out. That's arrogant and foolish. There's just no way any one person can have figured out all the right answers or heard all the sides to an argument, so who am I to say I can't still learn and evolve my worldview? And while some would say that's still me being a doormat, I instead call that being willing to accept and love.

So if that's really true of me, where does the name calling and general bad view of me come from? I think it started when I decided to join into debates and take sides and state my opinion. While I was and still am the guy who will never say I don't respect someone for believing what they believe, I think I started to be viewed as being too opinionated. I like to think I can debate with the best of them, and I tend to stick to question-asking to make people prove their point. And I guess that can be taken as being an ass. I used to be the guy who just let people say their peace but now I'm the guy who wants people to continue the conversation so as to expand their minds. Do I want people to see my point of view? Who doesn't? While my prodding of conversation does not mean I think your thoughts are wrong, doing that has done nothing but give me the title of being douchy.

Even as I type this, I can mentally see certain people rolling their eyes at me. I won't name them, but there are specific people I see out there doing it right now. I guess all I can say is that I'm flawed and that I'm sorry. You may have been someone I spoke ill of in the past or someone I hurt by doing something or saying something that you viewed as painful. If you choose not to call me out on it then it's only hurting yourself, but I'm still sorry for causing your angst and for leaving a bad taste in your mouth for me. One has to wonder why you're still bothering to read my drivel, but everyone has their own reasons for clicking on ELEVEN. 

And that's where I'll leave this part. I want to expand on the real reason these posts popped into my head and I think that will be best served in its own space.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sam, seems you're doing an immense amount of soul searching. I'm glad you're showing the real you. If people don't like it too bad. You deserve to be your authentic self. Btw, I beg to differ in your "part two" post. I called you an ass almost everyday I saw you. But for a totally different reason, lol. I miss those days. I've accepted the fact that I'm may not be (ok, I'm not) your favorite teller anymore. But, that's alright. Maybe I can remain in the top five, lol! Anyway, lots of love from Toronto! Best of luck to both of you. I love reading this and catching up on what's on your mind. I also hope you're working on your next book.

12:38 PM  

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