The greatest season of all
From the first time I heard it I've been intrigued with the phrase, "seasons of life." For so long I thought life was just life and it had a start and an end and everything in between just was. But when I break down my life as phases --or seasons-- it brings new meaning and purpose to each thing as it happens. Some of those seasons are short, some of them are long, but there's no denying that everything falls into a season of existence.
For a couple years now I've felt stuck in a sad, disheartening season. But as much of a downer as that season has seemed, it opened my eyes to a season that preceded it that I now see as being nothing but life with a blanket over its head. There was distrust, avoidance, denial, and dishonesty all within its walls. Much of that was my own doing, which is plain for me to see with a little bit of help of Ell finally being honest with me. With one simple email, the blanket was removed, the muffled fakeness was revealed, and then my life as I knew it was abruptly ended. Which then opened up the season that consumed the last two years.
Thankfully, that immense sadness has been replaced with a season I can only describe as hope. As I write this, I'm sitting on the floor of a house that is no longer my own. My Lady is behind me on the couch, softly exhaling as she sleeps. The walls around me are bare of anything unneeded or unnecessary. And a determined smile is set firmly on my face. I have little to my name at this point in my life except the things that truly matter to me. That makes me happy. That gives me hope.
This next season of my life may look scary or even stupid to anyone looking in from the outside. I have no home and very little belongings to put in one if I had it. In four months I'll be quitting a career I'm really, really good at. I have a Lady that is fourteen years my younger. And when people ask me what I plan on doing when I get back from my hike, my always-answer is, "I don't know." All of those seem way outside the normalcy of life. All of those seem like the exact opposite of what a rational human being should be doing. All of those seem like I'm taking a lot of risk with a potential for a lot of pain. And so while all of those must look crazy to the outside world, they are in fact, energizing and exciting to me. The world and my life are wide open right now, and that makes me feel so alive.
This new season will be different. There is a new Lady in it. There will be a new home in it. There will be no job in it. And there will be a grand adventure in it. And when I come out of this season, I have to wonder if it will not have been the greatest season I've ever had.
For a couple years now I've felt stuck in a sad, disheartening season. But as much of a downer as that season has seemed, it opened my eyes to a season that preceded it that I now see as being nothing but life with a blanket over its head. There was distrust, avoidance, denial, and dishonesty all within its walls. Much of that was my own doing, which is plain for me to see with a little bit of help of Ell finally being honest with me. With one simple email, the blanket was removed, the muffled fakeness was revealed, and then my life as I knew it was abruptly ended. Which then opened up the season that consumed the last two years.
Thankfully, that immense sadness has been replaced with a season I can only describe as hope. As I write this, I'm sitting on the floor of a house that is no longer my own. My Lady is behind me on the couch, softly exhaling as she sleeps. The walls around me are bare of anything unneeded or unnecessary. And a determined smile is set firmly on my face. I have little to my name at this point in my life except the things that truly matter to me. That makes me happy. That gives me hope.
This next season of my life may look scary or even stupid to anyone looking in from the outside. I have no home and very little belongings to put in one if I had it. In four months I'll be quitting a career I'm really, really good at. I have a Lady that is fourteen years my younger. And when people ask me what I plan on doing when I get back from my hike, my always-answer is, "I don't know." All of those seem way outside the normalcy of life. All of those seem like the exact opposite of what a rational human being should be doing. All of those seem like I'm taking a lot of risk with a potential for a lot of pain. And so while all of those must look crazy to the outside world, they are in fact, energizing and exciting to me. The world and my life are wide open right now, and that makes me feel so alive.
This new season will be different. There is a new Lady in it. There will be a new home in it. There will be no job in it. And there will be a grand adventure in it. And when I come out of this season, I have to wonder if it will not have been the greatest season I've ever had.
posted by Sam at 10:06 PM
2 Comments:
I hope it is. How extraordinary to be slightly past the days of 'youth' and still believe the 'best days' are yet to come.
Sam you have such an amazing way with your thoughts and the words you choose. Thank you for sharing . Yes it is exciting to see where this new season takes you . I'm really excited about your adventure, and hope to be able to encourage you on your way . As well as look forward to the new season once your back home ! Even though there is no house , I hope you realize that home is where your heart is .... I know that's trite , but really pretty profound !
Turn turn turn as the Beatles sang it best :)
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