It's a s%#t storm right now

Did you ever have one of those points in your life where there are just too many emotions to straighten them all out at the same time? And not just mad or sad emotions, even though those are very present, but ecstatic emotions of joy and happiness as well. Add to those two extremes, mediocre feelings of relief and calmness, and you have Sam right now.

I was going to sit down tonight and write an eloquent, even inspiring, post about an exciting thing that I just found out will soon be happening to me and Ell. I was going to follow it up later this week with some more great news. And on top of that I've turned a mental corner in regards to my weight and I finally feel like I'm in enough control to admit I'm working on it.

But as I sat down on the couch to write, the pain in my joints I thought was all gone --the pain I'd been trying to ignore and pretend wasn't coming back-- flared up in my ankles and knees. But even adding my health issue to the fact that my Dad's health is still heavy on my heart, neither of those hold a candle to another personal issue I'm wrestling with.

With all of that on my mind I just couldn't bring myself to write a happy post. It's almost like I'd be lying to anyone reading my happiness because of all the sadness otherwise overtaking my emotions. My happiness wouldn't be completely real. I literally sat for almost two hours trying to sort out my brain and write the first word. It never appeared until I came to the realization I couldn't write the post I'd sat down to write.

I'm not looking for comments. Really. I just needed to share my heart and my head. There are things in my life that should be bringing me so much happiness, but they are fighting with sadness and anger that are just as strong. It's like I'm spinning around and around and can't stop myself. As my friend told me a couple weeks ago, "Life sure is a shit-storm sometimes, isn't it?!" It sure is.