Sunday, April 24, 2011

Being alone. YAY!!!

So if you're a regular here on Eleven, you know the mood swings and emotional ups&downs I've been through over the last year. I've have my good days, my bad days, and everything in between. And lucky you, you got to hear me talk about it. :) Yeah, that's right... a smiley face.

One thing that's been growing inside my brain this past year is the acceptance --even if reluctantly-- of the fact that my future will be one of being alone. Maybe forever, maybe not, who knows. But whichever one of those happens, I'm alone now. While that was a really hard emotion/truth to deal with late last year and into this one, it's growing on me. Still sad? Sure, but not horrific anymore. Excited? Not necessarily, but not afraid of being excited if it happens.

I've found a few things over the past few weeks (a video from my friend Chel, a feminist blog, new music, pictures, and some other things...) that have reminded me I have a rare opportunity most people don't get... I get to start over. For a long time --a LONG time-- the thought of that sucked. It still does on certain days, but now it's an optimistic thing on just as many days. An inspiring thought process, to be sure.

Some great benefits of this new brain process...
-Had four conversations (hour-plus each) on four consecutive nights this past week with good friends
-Had great dialogue with two old friends about God and what I think about Him these days
-Continued excitement for the Trail
-Dancing around my living room for over an hour just cuz I wanted to
-Listened to loud music ALL day today (not that Ell wasn't into that, but she usually had to study or sleep and I tried to respect those needs)
-Entertaining or forgetting the idea of new love at my own leisure
-Personal triumphs and failures are mine and only mine

If you're wondering, I think all of those are good things. And just saying that makes me laugh aloud. I guess today is one of those good days. :)

3 Comments:

Blogger Jeff and Melissa Blair said...

I am so glad to see that you are in a positive mood these days! I love that you are taking advantage of your situation and finding a way to enjoy those things that might not have been as easy as before. Plus, I think it is wonderful that you are preparing to follow your life long dream of hiking the AT. I try to check in on your trail blog every so often for updates on your prep progress. I am so excited for you!

Melissa

8:46 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Thanks, Melissa. It's nice to know there are people out there rooting for me in all the different aspects of my life. Your support means a lot to me.

7:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can relate, kind of enjoying the single life, for the most part anyway.. Jocose

10:43 AM  

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