Friday, November 04, 2011


My Lady sent me a couple emails at work today that I immediately wanted to save forever. At first I was angry they were stuck in something as stupid as my work email. And then she reminded me I could forward them to my personal email and save them forever. Why didn't I think of that?

As I thought about that later in the day, I was struck with how important "words" are to me. When I was a Youth Pastor I used to send my students letters of encouragement and advice. As the years went by, I saved every one of those letters. Whenever I would have correspondence with my family and friends, I saved those as well. I even have every email and letter traded between Ell and I before, during, and after our divorce. There's just something about "words" that seem so permanent and binding to me. It's as if those "words" would be lost if I somehow got rid of the papers/emails they were written on/in.

Another way this takes form is in books. In the last year or so my book collection has dropped significantly. But even though many of them were books I didn't need or even want, not a one of them were thrown away. Not because they were junk or anything (because some of them were,) but it would feel like true sacrilege if I threw them in the trash. I can't explain it, but I'm not sure I could ever throw a book away.

Blogging is the final form of my insanity. I think I would feel a massive loss in my life if this electronic record of my words were to disappear. What a horrible thought. Really, it gives me the chills just thinking about it.

Not sure what any of that means, but it's a very real thing to me. Part of me wonders if this fascination with "words" comes from the fact that I visually see every word I write, hear, say, spelled out in my mind. It's like I'm reading the words as they are spoken or heard. I see them. Every one. It's weird, but very real.


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