Monday, June 25, 2007

Babies, Baby Mommas, and the World

For a couple months now I've had these nagging thoughts at the back of my mind in relation to the title of this post. As most of you know, Ell and I are involved in a local Crisis Pregnancy center which offers women (and girls) free pregnancy testing, a clothing room, referrals to family agencies, and most importantly abortion alternative counseling. Well, maybe I should say they "used to" do that last one. The last year or so, Ell said most of the counseling sessions she's done with pregnant ladies and girls have been decidedly different in one area: no one wants an abortion anymore. This is a good thing right?

I read at least one newspaper every day. For a while now I've noticed more times than not the baby announcements are to unwed people. I see pregnant women every so often in the bank and the majority are unmarried. And they're keeping the baby. Good thing again, right? I don't know.

Our world is quickly morphing into something alien than what I grew up in. Ell said most unwed women (and I unfortunately keep having to add 'girls') want to keep their babies. It's not even a question anymore. Just a few years ago people used to comment that, "They're dealing with it as a family," or, "She's so brave for keeping that baby," etc. when they heard about an unplanned pregnancy. While I'm happy that we've grown to a point in American humanity from where we were when girls were shunned and shipped off to relatives for the same thing, I'm not at all comfortable where we've now arrived.

Our culture is so used to, and dare I say comfortable, with pregnancy outside of marriage and single mothers, that we don't even look at it as a "problem." Our mentality is so shifted from what it was that a lot of America sees it simply how things are. No rarity, no issues, no problems, no shock. It's all matter of fact now. Kids aren't embarrassed or upset, parents aren't embarrassed or upset, the community isn't embarrassed or upset. Pregnancy before marriage and raising the baby alone without a Dad, are becoming as commonplace and accepted as color TVs became, and cordless phones, and bottled water. There was a time when those things were considered harmful or stupid or ridiculous. Now they're just a part of our lives. We've arrived at the same place in regards to this issue.

I don't have any concluding or thought-provoking resolution to this post. I guess I'm just sad this is where we're at. Unwed mothers and unplanned pregnancies and single moms aren't new, I know this. But they've always been the exception rather than the rule. Something you didn't "normally" see. And definitely nothing you saw "more" than normal marriages. My generation excepts divorce as part of our daily goings on. We don't like it, and many of us are against it, but it's a part of our life. I'm afraid single-parenthood and pre-wedding births are becoming that matter-of-fact as well.

The only way I can describe the feeling in my chest over this issue is to compare it to the dread and distress many 70 and 80 year old people must feel about computers and the Internet. Too immense to understand, and too accepted to be able to change.

8 Comments:

Blogger Sam said...

A quick addition to this morning's post...I opened two checking accts today, both for unmarried girls who are raising their kids by themselves and happy to be doing it. One had her Mom with her who was tickled pink at what her daughter was doing. "Cuz men are just trouble anyway."

3:26 PM  
Blogger Adrienne said...

Don't worry...I do have a comment coming. Are you shocked? :p

I'm up to my elbows in window cleaning!

4:08 PM  
Blogger Close To Home said...

It's a sad thing. Rich's two sisters found themselves each as single moms...really, it didn't make sense to me how the second sister did the same thing the older did just a couple years later, when she knew how much it changed her life. Aghh. Made me soooo sad, Rich too and of course their parents. I am so thankful though they didn't choose abortion.

God will change lives through the work of you and Ell, and those who are helping save babies. I don't have much to comment other than that it is such a sad thing to see our culture continuously move us to the single parent norm. But, still, sooo many pregnancies are being terminated.

10:16 PM  
Blogger Eliza said...

I think your comment, Sam, hit the nail on the head.

Women don't trust men anymore. Why should we? We do everything in the world to get love and acceptance from a man--this is what our culture STILL tells us to do--but then, when we're rejected (and we all are at some point or another) culture steps in and gives us an alternative: the strong, sexy, desireable, do-it-all-herself female.

What a double standard. What a crock.

From my experience, girls get into sexual relationships too early because that person is accepting them and their fathers aren't. Girls were CREATED to please men. When we realize that we're failing, we step it up: he wants sex, I'll give him sex. He doesn't care about the baby? Well guess what, the baby's all I have left.

But then we're creating another generation of daughters who don't have fathers and have no idea how to relate to men, or really please them, and sons who can't wait to get away from the women in their lives, and have no idea how to be pleased by women.

These girls need to know that the only one who will ever be truly pleased with them is God. But we're raised hearing "God doesn't like _____."

It's bad theology as much as bad society.

So to all you dads and faithful husbands out there, thank you. No, really, THANK YOU.

8:10 AM  
Blogger 3rd string's finest said...

Sam, I too am saddened by these things. I knew several girls who dropped out of high school before junior year beacause they were pregnant.

The problem is just as much the guys as it is the girls, as eliza touched on earlier. In high school and especially now in the military (in a country where prostitution is legal) I have noticed. a large majority of males think demoralizing women and talking them into lifelong traps is how things are supposed to be.

Also, like you mentioned before, raising a child alone is a something to be proud of for women today. ( note: raising a child alone does take alot of courage and committment, I mean proud as in accomplishment) Like it is a prerequisite for a woman to be succesful in todays world.
OK, I am done for now.....

1:36 PM  
Blogger ChelChel said...

Sam you have picked a heavy topic- boy I was there, and you may not have the connection with a dear friend if I had gone along with the pressure and offers to pay for an abortion that I was surrounded with. I sinned- I had sex out of a marriage relationship- I am forgiven. ALL sin has a "consenquence" in the case of having pre-marital sex the "consenquence" is more public- You cant really brush this one under the rug. If you steal, you may be able to hide it- if you lie, no one may ever know, if you murder, you may be able to conceal the "evidence"- It is too bad that young girls whos sin result happens to be a new life get judged. The key to this whole debate is when someone sins, how do they deal with the result of that act? Do they take responsibility for thier actions? Do they ask for forgiveness? Do those around them help them to recognize that these are actions that need to be taken?
In my case, I sinned ( and I would like to point out that I had a great relationship with my father- I was avirgin until I was 18 and decied to try something I never tried) I asked for forgiveness, and then I took 100% resposibility for the result of my sin. If I had caved to the pressure to have an abortion many of you would have a hole in your lives for not knowing my daughter. And that would suck B/C she is an amazing child of God.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I'm scared that we are stringing along a new generation of men and women that don't depend on each other in their lives. Everyone is so ready to do it all themselves and more people need to realize that they can lean on others to help them with their burdens and happiness in life. It is a sad state of mind that we live in. :(

9:32 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

Chel, I mentioned this to you in private, but it needs to be stated here as well...

I want it to be clear that this was not a pro-abortion post. I am still just as anti-abortion as I ever was. The point of this post was my distaste of a world that sees unwed mothers and single parent homes as the norm over the exception. The average morality level we will have had to have dropped to for this to be OK scares me to death. I mean, literal fear. This is not something we should accept as normal or better than the alternative.

Chel, you accepted the consequences of an action that you were willing to admit was a sin. This post was an outcry that we might be getting to a world view where we don't see this as sin. How so very, very sad.

(Sorry if at any point I didn't make it clear the post wasn't about abortion.)

10:08 AM  

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