Friday Funny

Roy D. Mercer
For those of you who haven't heard of him, here's the skinny: Roy D. Mercer is a character used by those touch-tone-terrorist type guys that prank-call people. Roy is an old hick with poor, but creative, speech patterns. The calls are usually made to normal places like car dealerships, grocery stores, pet stores, lumberyards, restaurants, etc. They find out the name of someone there, usually a manager or a salesman, and they proceed to have Roy defend the honor of someone in his family who supposedly frequented the establishment. An honorable task done with a quirky voice and accent, and the best one liners I've ever heard. I thought I'd share with you some of those one-liners I find pretty funny. Your homework for the week is to use one of these with someone you know. This should be fun.

-I'm gonna be on you like ugly on a Baldwin brother.
-I'm gonna git a hunk outta you big enough to clog a drain.
-I'll tear into you like a hobo into a bologna sandwich.
-You gonna be laughin out the other side of your face over there.
-I'm the fella that's gettin ready to dot both your eyes.
-You ain't bigger 'an a popcorn fart.
-I was getting ready to be on you like a cockroach on a honey bun.
-You went off like a Roman Candle fresh bought.
-She's gonna be on your chin like melted mozzarella cheese.
...and my favorite...
-Me and you getting ready to go to fist city.

Have a great weekend everyone.