Friday, January 29, 2010

Friday Funny

The boys over at CPS (an online forum for Christian Pipe Smokers) shared some jokes the other day and I thought I'd pass a couple along. Enjoy...

What is the last thing "Tickle Me Elmo" receives on the assembly line?
Two test tickles.

This one is more for the Catholic readers...

When the people brought the woman caught in adultery to Jesus, he said, "let you who have not sinned cast the first stone". Stunned, the group fell silent. Suddenly a small rock flew through the air and struck the woman in the head. Jesus spun around and shouted, "Come on, Mom. I'm trying to make a point!"

And finally, one for those of you with a little grosser sense of humor. Mind the children...

Seamus' wife had endured his flatulence for many decades. Each morning he would rip a blistering cacophony of dirty, wet sounds that would make a mortician gag. And each morning his wife would remove herself quickly from the bed and reply, "Seamus! One of these days you're goin' to sh*t your guts right out!"

Finally, one Christmas morning as she was downstairs early cleaning the goose for the holiday meal and she formed a devious idea. She'd just pulled the entrails from the goose and looked up at the ceiling where Seamus was snoozing soundly still above her. Scooping up two fists-full of glistening guts she quickly and stealthily mounted the stairs and found him face down in his pillow with his enormous tighty-whitey-coverd ass displayed. While he snored she pulled the elastic band of his unmentionables back and loaded them with the sickening goose filth. As she crept back downstairs she could scarcely contain her guffaws and chortles.

Some ten minutes later right on schedule she hears Seamus greet the world with a magnificent trumpet of malodorous blasts that suggested something akin to the green apple splatters. And then....a pause.....and finally a blood-curdling scream. She laughs so hard that tears begin to trace her wrinkled cheeks.

Seamus stumbles downstairs, white as a ghost. The look on his face betrays the fear and humiliation of the recent event. "Alice," he says. "Do you know how you always told me that one of these days I'd rip one and sh*t me guts right out?" "Yes, Seamus, I remember." She convulses with laughter while wiping a tear from her eye.

"Well, Alice, it's happened. Right now. This very morning......but, by the grace of God and these two fingers, I think I was able to put them all back in."

Have a great weekend everyone.

3 Comments:

Blogger jen said...

i almost couldnt read past the CPS lines... (love there is a community for that group!) but i did, and then wish i hadnt after that last joke :)

9:21 AM  
Blogger Kimmy said...

I love a good Friday Funny.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Kristen said...

I gotta tell you, with this one, I wish I had read it at home, and not at work! So Gross I yelled right here at my desk. Nasty!!!

3:51 PM  

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