I wonder when it will end.
I wonder when I won't feel this way.
When everything I do and say and act out aren't with the underlying thought that Laura will somehow see what she's missing. That she'll always be in my life and that it is my goal to impress her, to amaze her, to make her laugh, or just softly smile. I wonder when I'll stop having those unspoken thoughts that all I do is for her, about her, because of her, and with her in mind.
I wonder how long it will be without seeing her face to forget how she smiles.
I wonder how long it will be without hearing her voice to forget what it sounds like.
I wonder how long it will be without living my life with her to remember I have my own.
Today Ell and I walked out of the courthouse with our marriage dissolved; the same courthouse we walked into almost a decade-and-a-half ago with our marriage certificate in hand. I drove her back to her Mom's house in a Volkswagen, the same kind of car we were in as we pulled away from the church where we were married. I dropped her off at her Mom's house where barely a hundred yards away I had picked her up for our first date. We hugged, we kissed our final kiss, and we exchanged our final, "I love you"'s. I cried the entire drive home. My life with my beautiful soul mate is now over.